Introduction
Yasimi Quaife, who also called herself Yasimi de Ia Boise, was known as

Kane Alves for the first years of her short life. She was born a boy, but lived

as a woman from the age of 17. Her dream was to settle down in a loving

relationship with a good man. To achieve her goal she planned a sexchange operation but, suffering from the aftermath of sexual abuse when she was very young and the constant stresses of life as a transsexual, she committed suicide on May 9, 1999, at the age of 23.
Yasimi was an attractive and intelligent woman, seemingly happy and outgoing, but she was often in despair, hating being trapped inside a man’s body, rarely finding true affection, and always aware that many regarded her as a freak.
For many years she kept a diary. She destroyed the early volumes, but those covering her last five years remain, and form the basis of this book. The entries, which she intended to be published, chart her physical and emotional highs and lows, and show all too clearly what life is like on the inside for a transsexual. They are frank, often disturbing and occasionally shocking as they detail Yasimi’s gradual transformation from an idealistic romantic teenager to a lost soui who in her 23 years has experienced far too much of the dark side of life.
The harsh truth of the life Yasimi documented caused her to hide the diaries so that they were not discovered until the day after her funeral. Just as she felt that others would find the story hard to handle, Yasimi’s family recognise that parts of the diary may be hurtful to others. Consequently, all names, except her family’s have been changed to save any living persons from embarrassment or unwilling exposure.
We decided to leave Yasimi’s words as she wrote them. Sometimes even her mis-spellings or grammatical errors help reveal her state of mind. What you are reading are her words that have been edited to remove a lot of repetition but otherwise are left untouched.
In publishing her diaries, Yasimi’s family hope to increase public awareness and understanding of what life is like for a transsexual, and also the consequences of sexual abuse of children. The diaries will be helpful not only to victims of abuse, but also to parents. family and friends, teachers, those involved in social services, and those interested in gender! abuse issues.

Mig